Romans 11:33-36 (NIV)
33 Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable his judgments,
and his paths beyond tracing out!
34 "Who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has been his counselor?"
35 "Who has ever given to God,
that God should repay him?"
36 For from him and through him and to him are all things.
To him be the glory forever! Amen.
The room is dark and everyone seems to be holding their breath. The piercing sound of the heart monitor sends shockwaves through your spine as you look down at the discolored body you barely regonize as your Grandfather. The doctors had told you that the surgergy would be risky. They told you to brace yourself before going back because of the number of tubes and wires. They even said that the operation required them to pack his body in ice and that he would be frigid to the touch. The resperator moans as it pushes his stiff chest up and and then relaxes to let the same fall.
You stand wide eyed, praying silently over and over the only words you can think of, please, just please..... In the days to come progress is made, he begins to regain his color. As tubes are removed and he begins to talk, he even shows flashes of his normal humor, but this is the calm before the storm.
They move him from the Intensive Care Ward to the rehab wing. That has to be good, right. Then the phone rings and wakes you in the wee morning hours. Before you answer the phone you know the words on the other end and you whisper please, just please.
The funeral is hard, you try to be strong, you try to be there for everyone else and you try so hard not to ask the question why. You know in your head that dying is part of living and almost 80 years is a rich life, but that doesn't make the hurt stop. By now you know this is no fiction piece. We laid Grandpa to rest a few short months ago and it was hard, sometimes it still is.
In time though I've been able to step back and know that I don't get to question God on why. Who am I to think that what I want, what I desire is better than the plan God has in store? I am certainly not his equal. To this day I still don't know why God called Grandpa home. I can guess and give myself a lot of good reasons that make me feel better, but it is not my place to know the mind of God.
One of the hardest lessons to learn as a Christian is that when we don't get what we pray for God is not ignoring us. Sometimes the answer we get is "no." We may one day see the reason behind that answer, and we may never know the answer. However, believing in God and placing your trust in Jesus Christ doesn't mean praising him only when your prayers are answered. It means trusting when you are at the grave of a loved one. God's reasoning is above your own.
Prayer:
God, thank you for being with us when times are good and never abandoning us when times are rough. You are a God who loves us, sustains us, and sees us through all that life holds. Forgive us Lord when we question your actions. We know that you are the perfect one and if we continue to seek your council that we can face any struggle that comes our way. Lord, be with those that mourn and remind them that for believers death is only a slumber that will one day awaken to your glorious kingdom. Above all, your will be done forever and ever. Amen
Casting Crowns--Praise You In This Storm
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